| | sam_i_am381's LJ stalker is 711smurfette! | | 711smurfette is stalking you because you said something bad about them on your LJ. They are also getting jiggy with your best friend! |
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| i had a breakdown...
one of those cant stop crying and dont really know what to do to fix it anyways so you might as well continue to cry sort of things
i feel the need to write but my notebook journal wasnt doing any good. an hour and a half of tears later and i end up here.
i dont know why i bother... no one reads this thing anyways.
i need a vacation | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| so i was at my friend pauls grad party today the paul who ive known for forever and we were all having a good time and what not and it was way fun then as i was getting ready to leave i said goodbye to him and gave him a hug and what not and was all like... congratulations and then hes like... so next year its your turn, we get to do this whole party thing for you and i was like... yea next year's me...
oman next years me!
it hit me today like it hadnt yet ... even through graduation and everything but today oman
like it slapped me in the face today and was like... DONT YOU GET IT!!! NO MORE WAITING!!! AFTER ALL THIS TIME ITS HERE. YOUR A SENIOR! TIME TO GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE. MAKE SOME PLANS AND GET GOING WITH IT... NO MORE MESSING AROUND... ITS SENIOR YEAR!!! SENIORS!
the weirdest thing in the world was looking at pauls graduation pictures and scrapbooks and all the pictures that i am in. there was this one of me and him and the caption said "Paul and his girlfriend Samantha". i mean... right, we were about 4. but the thought of it is that paul and i grew up together... did everything our first time together and what not. its scary to think that hes going away to school next year without me. Hes going to Michigan State for Criminal Justice but the thing is... since we were born, we did everything together. we started school the same time and everything. i mean, we werent in the same school or grades but it didnt matter cuz we did it togehter so somewhere in our minds... it was ok cuz we had eachother. him going away to school means no more late night, weeknight hangouts, card games, movie days, double dates, story sharing, joke telling, teasing and laughing or seriously talking times... hes not going to be around and the thought of going through my senior year with him away sucks. through all of this today, him and i talking about his school next year hit me hardest. the whole thing baffles me that he wont be around. its a thought that i am not quiet ok with but im stuck with nothing to do but be happy for him and say congratulations. So i did and i gave him a hug and said goodbye to him but this time the hug was different then all the hugs over the many many many years of late night goodbye hugs. its was longer and serious because i think both of us knew things would never be like this one hug again. things change and change for us started today...
And that makes me sad.
i will have everyone know that i wrote another 2 long long paragraphs about work but when i hit enter it all got deleated and i rewrote that whole thing but i dont want to do the rest... i will right about it all again soon but i do have this to say...
never mess with family! expecially siblings!
goodnight. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| so im in my sisters journal and it turns out shes kissed 3 guys in her life... i wanna know who...
he kissed me on the forehead
i dont know what to do
last night was perfect
i'm happy in both places
i dont know what to do
i dont want to have to choose | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| 1.Go into your journal archives.
2.Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3.Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4.Post the text of the sentence in your LJ along with these instructions
"that was like 3 days ago" | | comments: Leave a comment |
| MARCH:
Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate.Shy and
reserved. Secretive.
Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves
peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily
angered. Trustworthy.
Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and
assesses others.
Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves
traveling. Loves attention.
Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home
decors. Musically talented.
Loves special things. Moody
What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla
| | comments: Leave a comment |
| Is there something you've been wanting to ask me but haven't? Well here's your time to shine. You may ask anything, nothing is inappropriate. this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions. No more. No less.
RULE: You must go to your journal and post this as well. Allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything | | comments: Leave a comment |
| HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHELSEA!! I LOVE YOU!
i made a whole long entry about hawaii...
it got deleated
im not re-doing it
that was like 3 days ago
festival was last night
we got fucked
2 2 2 1 over all 2
the bus ride there and back were fun
so much is going on that i cant seem to straighten out
i dont know if i even want to
that would mean facing him
and him as well
and even myself
and my fears
i just dont know anymore
so my schedual for the next few weeks:
today (just incase you care) i had cheerleading 8 - 2 and dance from 5 - 7. now were going to see a movie
tomorrow - dance from 12 - 4
monday - school, pride, dance from 5 - 10
tuesday - school, dance from 5 - 10
wednesday - school, dance from 5 - 10
thursday - school and free time
friday - school and a recital
saturday - 2 shows
sunday - 2 shows
following friday - 1 show
following saturday - 2 shows
"should i stay or should i go" | | comments: Leave a comment |
| happy easter everyone.
going to school today to help load the truck
picking gwen up
going to dinner at my grandmas house
family easter party
home to not sleep
hopefully talk to ben a little bit
hes in florida
we leave tomorrow for hawaii!!!!
im so excited
see you all when i get back
-sam- | | comments: Leave a comment |
| ( ) smoked pot
( ) done drugs other than pot & alcohol
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) been to japan
( ) ridden in a taxi
( ) had anal sex
(x) been in love
(x) had sex
( ) sex in public
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
( ) had a threesome
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
( ) been tied up
( ) been caught masturbating
( ) pissed on myself
( ) had sex with a member of the same sex
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
( ) stolen something from my job
(x) never celebrated new years in time square
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to europe
(x) skipped school for whatever reason
( ) slept with a co-worker
(x) cut myself on purpose
( ) had sex at the office
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children | | comments: Leave a comment |
|
W O U L D Y O U R A T H E R:
1) pierce your nose or tongue? tongue
2) be serious or be funny? Funny.
3) drink whole or skim milk? neither
A R E Y O U:
4) simple or complicated? complicated
D O Y O U P R E F E R:
5) flowers or angels? flowers... roses to be exact
6) grey or gray? gray
7) color or black-and-white photos? depends
8) crushes or love? Love
9) sunrise or sunset? Sunset
1o) M&Ms or Skittles? m and ms
11) rap or rock? rock...
12) staying up late or waking up early? Staying up late
13) TV or radio? radio
14) eating apples or oranges? apples...
15) being hot or cold? cold
16) tall members of the opposite sex? yea
17) sun or moon? Moon
18) emeralds or rubies? rubies
19) left or right? right
2o) having 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend? 1 best friend
21) snow or rain? thunder storms
22) vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? choc.
23) boys or girls? boys...girls have to much drama
24) green beans or carrots? green beans
25) low fat or fat free? neither
M I S C E L L A N E O U S:
29) What is your biggest fear in the world? being alone
30) Kids or no kids? kids...
31) Cat or dog? kitties!
32) Half empty or half full? Half empty
33) Mustard or ketchup? ketchup
34) Hard cover books or soft cover books? people who read hard cover books looks smarter to me
35) Newspaper or magazine? magazine
36) Sandals or sneakers? sandals
37) Wonder or amazement? Amazement.
38) Red car or white car? red
39) Happy and poor or sad and rich? happy and rich
40) Singing or dancing? dancing
41) Hugging or kissing? hugging
42) Corduroy or plain? corduroy
43) Happy or sad? Happy
45) Blondes, brunettes? brunettes
A B O U T Y O U:
What time is it? 3:43
Full name? Samantha
Nicknames: Sam, Sammi, Mantha, Mantha, Saka, Stupid Cupid
Names and ages of siblings? Carissa - 16, Becca - 12
Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake? 17 - today-
Date that you regularly blow them out? march 28
Pets? none
Eye color? brown
Hair color? brownish black
Piercing(s)? 1 in each ear
W H A T D O Y O U W A N T:
Where do you want to live? somewhere thats not here
How many kids do you want? 2if i have any
What kind of job do you want? teacher
Do you want to get married? yea i do
W H I C H I S B E T T E R:
2 doors or 4 (on a car)? 4 cuz its bigger and u can fit more people
Coffee or ice cream? ice cream
Shampoo or conditioner? both
Bridges or tunnels? Tunnels...they are dark and sexy but also scary
One pillow or two? a lot
W O R D A S S O C I A T I O N . . . (first thing that comes to mind):
Boys? ben
Condoms? sex.
Crying? sad
Blow Dryer? hair
Pickles? ewww
Summer? swimming
Winter? cold
F A V O R I T E S:
Salad dressing? ranch
Color of socks? White.
Toothpaste? watever is on the counter
Food? tuna helper
Toothbrush? white and red
Alcoholic drink? . . .
Non-alcoholic drink? pepsi
C U R R E N T S:
Current Clothes: teans and a tee shirt
Current Mood: shaky
Current Music: tv and oldies
Current Taste: pop
Current Hair: same as always
Current Annoyance: my mom
Current Smell: my house
Current thing I should be Doing: going out
Current Desktop Picture: plain blue
Current Favorite: my music - yellowcard
Current Movie In VCR: now and then
Current Refreshment: pop
thats all for now.
mom was reading over my sholdure
so i deleated one of the categories
read someone elses to figure out which one
then you will know why
-sam- | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| ben spent yesterday with my entire family for my party
he had fun i think
it was soo great
just one more thing about him that is perfect
*i love you ben!*
gwen woke me up with cappachino
it was really really really good
and just what i needed to start out with day
then i got out of dance and
had a message on my phone from jeremy
and a text from karli
they both made my day
it was perfect
thanks you 3 for making my day perfect!
you guys are the best
-sam- | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| tomorrow is my birthday
today my family is comming over
ben is too
tomorrow i have dance
and hanging with friends
monday is my sisters birthday
i have pride
then dance again
tuesday is my other sisters birthday
marching band practice
who knows what else
probably with ben
or jeremy
maybe?
i dont write in here much
i realized the other day
the only time i ussually update is in school
so i use deadjournal
what other choice do i have
i am no longer addicted to dj/lj
like i used to be
well i am off to clean
later kids
-sam- | | comments: Leave a comment |
| went to see passions of christ last night.
wow
it was really good.
really gross
but really good
gwen and jeremy - huttled together with them both in tears
alyssa tied to erika both in tears through the whole movie
and my with a death grip on ben crying my eyes out
something happened at one point of the movie and all we hear is gwen "Jesus christ"... haha... not even realizing. the people next to us almost had a heart attack listening to us. it was great.
good movie tho. i recomend everyone going to see it.
gwen spent last night here and just left a while ago.
now i have nothing to do today
bens working a double.
boring day.
-sam- | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I see her start to fade, no girl don't do that.
Just hang in there and you will get what you want.
I see her starting to break into a diffrent place.
No my sweet, hang on, things will get better.
Just wait a bit you will win when this world gets better. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| and then she says
she believes in dreaming
and then she says
she talks to the stars
and then she says
she can see forever
from where we are | | comments: Leave a comment |
| why do you hate me...
why are you mad at me...
why wont you talk to me...
what did i do?
please talk to me... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| with my seventeenth birthday three weeks away i realise how fucking immature i am. my escape within myself is only a comforter to convince myself that i could erase myself of my problems and grow up to fuck. but with my third year of high school almost complete i find myself still holding onto the little things that i need to give up. and somehow i find myself smiling to that.
life is like a leaf: at first it seems the best and you have a steady pattern swaying in the breeze; during the summer nothing will bother you. but then comes a fall you plumet from your purch and all control is lost. you have no control and everything is a whirlwind spinning helplessly around you. then before you hit rock bottom a breeze picks up and you start to drift onto another journey. another life; or at least until you are dropped again.
and so it may be weird to compare thee life to a mere leaf; it seems to fit perfectly. with my life a constant day-to-day struggle i somehow sense a leaf to struggle with how life treats it.
as hard as it always may seem it is only as hard as you make it. things do not always go our way; things are not always as perfect as we want. but yet we stroll on down this road of life. we stumble, we fall, we scrape our knees and we stand up brush off, move on. everyone always too busy to notice that there are more like yourself. what happened to the people watchers, those who noticed that things weren't perfect and revelled in it? what happened to us when we decided that we were going to strive for perfection? we died, a true slow perfect death. not the death of life but the death of the poetic soul and spirit of living. can someone truly exist and strive for perfection? is that even really living?
i have always felt that there was a greater purpose for me something that someone has so secretly hidden away. i feel we all have a purpose and it is not to be perfect. if we were all perfect what a boring life we would lead. if we were all perfect were would our inspiration come from? where would our tears and laughter, joy and fears come from?
why am i here writing in this diary for all to read instead of making myself known? the only reason i can think of is because i am not perfect and i fear that others would revel in my imperfections as i do theirs. so revel in it, roll around and wallow in it and know that there are those out there with more imperfections than you and inspiration can be found within them. | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
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